I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize