she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
