so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
