His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
