drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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