is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
