I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are a genius and a whore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
