you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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