i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dick very happy bro
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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