actually, I'm a sock model
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
