Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
