Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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