youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
