Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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