How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
