She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
