i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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