i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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