Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
