I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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