So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
