I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
