do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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