..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
