The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
