I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
