i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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