R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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