If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
