Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
