Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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