MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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