i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As shirtless as possible
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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