shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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