im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
