if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
