Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
