My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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