My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
