I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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