is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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