So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
