I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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