The maid of honor just puked.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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