So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
