my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
