he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
