Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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