Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had sex on a roof
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
