You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
