So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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