I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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