i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
