can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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