how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
