i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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