How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Congratulations! We have a period
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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