I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
