woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
