It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
