Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
