Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
