you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
